My Hat Could Kick Your Hat's Ass

I already regret the title of this post for, you see, my hat DOES kick your hat's ass. No infinitives are involved, it's happening as we speak. You could go out and buy a new hat and some local hattery and still it would suffer ridicule from mine.

I mean Christ, look at it! I'm jealous of it and I OWN it - I can't imagine the burning desire you must be feeling in your heart right now. Or rather, I don't want to.

(Sometimes, I'll stay up at night, wondering what life would have been like in the old west if hats came with headphones back then. A lot less people would have died in shootouts. No, scratch that. A lot more would have, because they couldn't hear "Draw". I'm totally cool with that, though, as most of them were bad men anyway.)

Possibly the greatest part of said uber hat is it's ease of use.

Step 1: Obtain hat.

Step 2: Wear hat.


Step 3: Tap into its power.


Step 3a: If a guitar is available, transfer power to hands for rocking out ability.

The Extra Line Means Value

See that pair of kick-ass kicks? Super high quality, famous brand name shoes - for only $10? That shit is crazy!

But wait...on closer inspection, the Adidas logo has an extra line. Why? Because the extra line means VALUE.

"This Isn't a Wizard, It's a Willard"

Before you say it, no, this isn't some used 5,000 yen copy from Book-Off. This is a 100% genuine NEW copy of Sega Superstars, purchased semi-locally for around 1,700 yen. How?

Clearly, it's hot. There's no other explanation, this must have been stolen (along with 50 other copies) and sold for a modest profit. To me. Which means that, not only is this hot, but concurrently it is sweet. If this was a point and click game, someone would be yelling "You can't use those two things together!"

Wrong. Because this eye toy/game pack is both hot and sweet. With a little effort, it may even attain an additional status effect of awesome. If it did, it would probably look something like this:



Nice. And sweet. And probably hot. Adjectives kick a substantial amount of ass, and so does my eye toy. That said, I'm going to go switch back between Samba de Amigo and episodes of Dragonball until my eyes bleed or the input button on my remote wears out, whichever comes first.