He's Just A Legend...

Or so you thought. But my old nemesis, Socklor, is alive and well, and has managed to track me down. I can only assume he uses the same technology that Santa used when he managed to find me that Christmas away from home...when he gave me that Nerf football I never asked for or wanted.

Past bitterness aside, this tactless bastard has risen from my past to screw with me. Displayed below is a drawing from 2nd grade when we were supposed to draw what we dreamed about the night before:

Now you may be asking, why, after all these years, would he have come back to haunt my face off? After all, for a 6th circle Dantenian reject (albeit I think he's in the unabrigded version) to visit me in my adulthood, it seems he would either have to harbor much ill-will or is just an ass and got bored. Perhaps this will help:


See also: That book I got from the scholastic book fair -


Dante's Inferno, 6th Circle, Canto 10:23-26

And on glowing coals walked the blaspheemers
Their underfoot coverings engorged by the voracious appetitie
Of Socklor, who, with trappings on either hand
Would preach his words in vile puppetry

It's Not Wasted Time If I'm Leveling Up...Ass

Yeah, you heard me. That's 2 days less than I spent on Disgaea 2, and that's a game I played while WAITING to go to Japan. You see the logic? Cause it's in there.

That actually made up a majority of my winter break, which might have otherwise been spent outside in the rain, catching all sorts of different SARS. A tactical move on my part. However, it should be noted that this game had a severe lack of actual sky pirating, which was a grevious error on someone's part.

Artist's Rendering of Correct Sky Pirating:


An excellent use of time and resources overall, though, if you consider time as any time and resources as taking occasional breaks for stir fry and popsicles. Only. Yes, only if you consider them that way.

WIKI Just Blew My Mind

Did you know that mayhem is a legal term meaning the dismemberment of another person in order to prevent them from defending themselves? And that it's current use was brought on by people misinterpreting it in the newspapers when it said "panic and mayhem"?

Did you know that premises originally just meant aforementioned matters? And that its current use is because it was misunderstood in legal documents?

Also, did you know that algorithm evolved from misspellings and missinterpretations of algorism, which is just the rules of doing arithmetic with Arabic numerals?

Lastly, did you know that much like the cofusion with Frankenstein and Frankenstein's monster, Syphilis is the name of the first person afflicted with the mysterious disease in an epic poem of the same name?

Well, I sure as hell didn't know. And now that I DO know, I feel like I've been lied to all my life. It's like when you first find out you've been using "decimated" incorrectly. Well, once again, I owe it all to syphilis!

SKY PIRATES!

That's right, Sky Pirates! Apparently they've moved beyond fact and are now featured in video games - kickin'!

It's pretty sweet, the way Sky Pirates work. You see, I was playing FF XII, training to be an Sky Pirate, when I decided to take a break and play Skies of Arcadia again. Then it hits me: I'm playing two concurrent sky pirating games! As amazing as this may seem, I feel the need to train and train hard, for the life of a sky pirate is equal parts wicked and bitchy.

Part 1 - Diet

The only thing Sky Pirates eat, as far as I'm aware, is chicken ramen. And they swig this down with Swiss Miss hot chocolate. Why? Because packets, that's why. If you're flying around, stealing shit and hopping from ship to ship (in the sky!), you aren't going to pack veggies and eggs and crap. Also, these are the only foodstuffs currently within my possession, so...yes.

With that...um...I have no idea. Let me think the rest out.

My Hat Could Kick Your Hat's Ass

I already regret the title of this post for, you see, my hat DOES kick your hat's ass. No infinitives are involved, it's happening as we speak. You could go out and buy a new hat and some local hattery and still it would suffer ridicule from mine.

I mean Christ, look at it! I'm jealous of it and I OWN it - I can't imagine the burning desire you must be feeling in your heart right now. Or rather, I don't want to.

(Sometimes, I'll stay up at night, wondering what life would have been like in the old west if hats came with headphones back then. A lot less people would have died in shootouts. No, scratch that. A lot more would have, because they couldn't hear "Draw". I'm totally cool with that, though, as most of them were bad men anyway.)

Possibly the greatest part of said uber hat is it's ease of use.

Step 1: Obtain hat.

Step 2: Wear hat.


Step 3: Tap into its power.


Step 3a: If a guitar is available, transfer power to hands for rocking out ability.

The Extra Line Means Value

See that pair of kick-ass kicks? Super high quality, famous brand name shoes - for only $10? That shit is crazy!

But wait...on closer inspection, the Adidas logo has an extra line. Why? Because the extra line means VALUE.

"This Isn't a Wizard, It's a Willard"

Before you say it, no, this isn't some used 5,000 yen copy from Book-Off. This is a 100% genuine NEW copy of Sega Superstars, purchased semi-locally for around 1,700 yen. How?

Clearly, it's hot. There's no other explanation, this must have been stolen (along with 50 other copies) and sold for a modest profit. To me. Which means that, not only is this hot, but concurrently it is sweet. If this was a point and click game, someone would be yelling "You can't use those two things together!"

Wrong. Because this eye toy/game pack is both hot and sweet. With a little effort, it may even attain an additional status effect of awesome. If it did, it would probably look something like this:



Nice. And sweet. And probably hot. Adjectives kick a substantial amount of ass, and so does my eye toy. That said, I'm going to go switch back between Samba de Amigo and episodes of Dragonball until my eyes bleed or the input button on my remote wears out, whichever comes first.